if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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