Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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