Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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