another moral hangover. fuck.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
