i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
