There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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