my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
