Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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