omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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