you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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