Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
