She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
