I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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