hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
