My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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