It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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