I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
sex in a hospital.. check
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
