every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low