Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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