my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.