Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.