So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
