How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
