I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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