my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
