I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
