two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I miss vodka workout Fridays
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
