i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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