Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
