this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
