He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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