The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
