Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
