I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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