Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
