god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
