oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
