Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
