dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
