why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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