You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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