ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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