I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
