So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
