You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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