If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also, beer. Big fan.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
