did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
