I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
