So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
