I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
