she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
