Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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