I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
