just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
