That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
