"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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