you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
