I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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