I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
