hotel room ftw
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
