I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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