Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you traded sex for a burrito?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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