so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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