that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
