i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
