I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
